Welcome to the Fatguys Song Book
This is a small collection of Fat Songs
A group of songs
about
LIVING LARGE!
Warning! This is a rather
long page.
Another Page of Fat
Songs
A much more complete listing of songs (I am too lazy to type them
all in)
(maintained by Snicker
Furfoot)
Obese
Three Drunken Fat
Guys
Thumper
Helmut's
Homebrew
Cookie Wars
Oh Knocker
Brot
The
Codpiece
Ballad of
Blackleaf
A
Squire's First Lesson on Courtesy
The Fatguys sleep
tonight
On my
Throne (Ballad of Blackleaf II)
Throwing my shots in all
the wrong places
Duke Elffin, Duchess
Vanna
White
feathers,Blue feathers
Autocrat,
Autocrat
6 Beer
Court in Drachenwald
Martin the
Mercenary
Glorious,
Glorious
In the Crown
Again
Ride Cormack
Ride
Oh, Oh, Oh I'm a
Squire
Stand by your
Knight
Head Shot
Fatguy Limerick
Chorus
The Butter goes on
the Holey side
I don't know how
to kill him
Three Authenticity
Mavens
The
SCA Senechal Blues
I'm too Sexy for my
Armour
You may notice that most of the
songs on this page were in some way written by Gorlan of the Red Lands. He is
both a Fatguy and a rather prolific songwriter. We are glad to have a Fatguy
that can also write.
Obese (by Lord Gorlan and Lady
Maeve)
(To the tune of "Moose" or "Abuse")
One evening when I passed a
fire burning bright
I felt a large rumble that gave me a fright
The Fat
Guys were singing and dancing around
The pounding was actually shaking the
ground
(chorus)
O-bese O-bese, they are O-bese
just watch and
you'll see their waist lines increase
They live large and battle and revel
and feast
They call them the fat guys and they are obese
At the Fat
Guys encampment I was quite aghast
Sweat pant and baseball caps wern't in the
past
they ignored me and everything I had to say
That's life when there's
Fat guys in the SCA
(chorus)
For ladies, the Fat guys can be a
surprise
They'll provide all the courtesies born low or high
And lot's of
fine humor to bring you a smile
They may have large bellies, but MAN they
have style
(chorus)
For gentles ther's also good reason to
cheer
No discussions of politics to sour the ear
Just drinking and singing
be you peasant or peer
But the best thing of all is they always have
beer
(chorus)
Even though they've been drinking and singing all
night
Come morning, they're armored an ready to fight
Whether fighting on
bridges, in barges or towns
Just show them a shield wall and they'll mow it
down
(chorus)
The Fat guys are easy to see on the field
A gold
mug on green with handle under the shield
There is one more feature that
scares me profound
If there's foam on the mug it means they have a
crown
(chorus)
To the Top of the
page
Three Drunken Fat Guys
(by Gorlan of the
Red lands)
To the tune of Three Drunken Maidens)
There were three
drunken fat guys
Who attended court one night
They'd been at it several
hours
They were really a sight
They brought with them
All kinds of
beer
From bock to guinness stout
They also brought a keg of ale
To
ensure they'd not run out
The room was called to order
As the King and
Queen came in
On legs no longer steady
They stood and bowed and
then
When given leave, they sat back down
While drinking in the
back
Since standing up was such hard work
Their mugs they did
attack
Then in came two more Fat Guys
Who joined them in the
rear
They didn't come empty handed
they brought a case of beer
As court
progressed the beer ran out
And they had to switch to ale
The herald was
nervous,
you could tell
But then the herald started smiling
As the
Queen whispered in her ear
He then called out for Michael
Their leader to
appear
They said that he was courteous
And chivalrous and more
When
they made him a Queen's companion
All jaws just hit the floor
One
thought came to each Fat Guy
"Michael, Say it isn't so"
All had to drink
down more ale
To cushion off the blow
By the end of court, The ale was
gone
And they were on the floor
But since they were all Fat Guys
We
rolled them out the door
To the Top of the
page
Thumper
(By Gorlan of the Red
Lands)
(To the tune of "Windy")
What is that meapon smashing my
helmet
So crumpled that I can no longer see
My once sturdy shield is now
in two pieces
Friedrich is using Thumper
(Chorus)
A two handed war
hammer
Thumpers a real head slammer
I'll you in all candor
When it
comes down
You're in the ground
Just look at Friedrich there in the
melee
Pounding on everybody he meets
Soon there're all going to be six
feet under
Friedrich is using thumper
(Chorus)
The list field
is full of bodies embedded
Into the ground by two feet or more
Just like
tent pegs into a grape pounded
Friedrich is using thumper
(Chorus)
To the Top of
the page
Helmut's Home Brew
(By Gorlan of the
Red Lands)
(To the tun of The Teddy Bear's Picnic)
If you go into the
Fat Guy's camp
Take warning and be advised
If Helmut passes a bottle
around
You're in for a Large surprise
He makes is brew with unusual
things
Just to see the reaction it brings
And that's the danger of
sampling
Helmut's Home Brew
Just take a swig og Helmut's Home
Brew
And your stomach will be aglow
The flavor is strange and what he puts
in
You really don't want to know
From Cinnamon clove and Chocolate
cream
To Baloney Schnapps, it's really obscene
And that's the danger of
sampling
Helmut's Home Brew
It's a powerful brew and if i were
you
I'd really would listen up
The side effects can be much, much
more
Than ending up in your cup
All of the bottles do clearly
explain
Too much will make you like Mike Aquitain
And that's the danger of
sampling
Helmut's Home Brew
To the Top of the
page
Cookie Wars
(By Gorlan of the Red
Lands)
There’s a Barony in Drachenwald
Knight’s Crossing it is
called
And there they hold the Cookie Wars
Enjoyed by one and all.
Even
though most of the battles
Are fought in the sun’s light
The final battle
begins after dark
and continues throughout the night
Chorus
Take a
cookie in your left hand
Take a cookie in your right.
Munch Left,
Munch Right,
Wash it down with a beer
Repeat throughout the night.
If one cookie is uneaten
When the sun comes up once more
Then
although we ate and drank all night
We’ll have lost the cookie war.
There’s field battles a plenty
And woods and towns and
more.
Every fighter is sure to get their fill
of bashing heads and
swords.
But when the armor comes off
there is still one fight to
fight
The final battle begins after dark
And continues throughout the
night.
(Chorus)
Come morning the ground is covered
with a
hundred empty beers
And the broken bodies of cookies
tell of a battle
without peer.
Before we leave it’s cleaned up
not a crumb left on the
floor.
Then we’ll be back again next year
for another Cookie
War.
To the Top
of the page
Oh Knocker Brot
(By Gorlan of the
Red Lands)
(To the Tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh Knocker Brot
Oh
Knocker Brot
One side of you is holey
Oh knocker Brot
Oh knocker
Brot
The other side is Flat
In Nordmark there’s great pondering
On
which side gets the buttering
In May they fight
To find who’s right
The holey or flat siders.
Oh Knocker Brot
Oh Knocker Brot
With
pomp and celebration
Oh Knocker Brot
Oh Knocker Brot
You split the
Nordmark Nation
It’s what a fighters looking for
This nobel reason
for a war
We’ll drink all night
All day we’ll fight
As holey or flat
siders.
To the
Top of the page
The Codpiece
(By Gorlan of
the Red Lands)
(To the Tune of Greesleeves)
If you’ve never worn a
codpiece before
It is a strange sensation
When you traverse across the
field
It makes obscene gyrations
Chorus
A Cod-piece can fool them
all
Make them think you’re large
Even if you’re small
Just be sure you
don’t fool yourself
For it’s still just imagination
You have to be
careful in a crowd
Each step made with hesitation
For a careless bump to
another’s rump
May result in penetration
(Chorus)
And to be
sure it works like a lure
And will raise a wench’s expectations
But have a
care you have something there
Or the night will end in
frustration
(Chorus)
They can be made of silk or be made of
steel
You can paint them with illuminations
You can even use an old
drinking horn
And gain the blue feather’s
admiration
(Chorus)
There are many reasons to put one on
It
really needs no explanation
But the best of all, It will still stand
tall
Even if yours is on a vacation.
(Chorus)
They can be at
rest or in full salute
In any desired configuration
But the best to date
was a castle gate
The drawbridge got a standing ovation
Or
The
drawbridge caused quite a sensation
(Chorus)
To the Top of the
page
Ballad of Blackleaf
(by Gorlan of the
Red Lands)
(To the tune of "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by the Crash Test
Dummies)
Once there was a Fat - Guy
Got into a Tournament just to bash
some heads in
When it all was o-ver
They -
Put -
A pointy hat on
his bald head
He didn’t realize till that mo-ment
It was the viceroy
Tour-ney
Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer
Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer,
Beer
Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer
Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer
Now he
was a Vice-Roy
Had to act respectable, spend his time at politics
No -
Beer - with other Fat - Guys
At Court -
He -
Had to sit in the front
row
But what really got him up-set
He had to do it So-ber
No Beer,
No Beer, No Beer, No Beer, No Beer
No Beer, No Beer, No Beer, No Beer, No
Beer
Heed well - the tale of Black-leaf
Never win in tournaments when
pointy hats are giv-en
No Beer - in court with Fat Guys
If you -
Do -
There is one small compensation.
On your Fat Guy Ta-bard
You get to
put some Foam - On
Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer, Foamy
Beer
Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer, Foamy Beer
To the Top of the
page
A Squire’s First Lesson on Courtesy
(By
Gorlan of the Red Lands)
(To the Tune of Good King Wenceslas)
The care
and feeding of wenches
Is a noble art so fair -o
Always see she has a
seat
By giving up your chair-o
Never let her carry loads
See that her
gear’s transported
And if she’s called before the crown
Ensure that she’s
escorted.
Listen to her every word
Give her your full attention
Always praise the garb she wears
Her beauty you should mention
Be
sure to rub her shoulders fair
Till tension has receded
And if invited do
her back
Leave it nice and kneaded
A wench should not be left
alone
She should be well attended
Make sure her cup is ever full
And
she’ll think you are splendid
Have plenty of chocolate close hand
Her
smiles it will sweeten
And if you follow all these steps
A cloven fruit
may be eaten.
To the Top of the
page
The Fat Guys Sleep Tonight
(Group effort by
the Friends of the Fat Guys - especially Lady Amber and
Dave, 1998)
(Tune:
Lion Sleeps Tonight)
Background: Lots of beer, lots of beer, lots of
beer, lots of beer,
In the feast hall, the crowded feast hall, the fat
guys drink tonight
In the feast hall, the crowded feast hall, the fat guys
drink tonight
and then they Weeeeeeee---------eeee, drinking the night
away
then they Weeeeeeee---------eeee, drinking the night away
In the
village, the pillaged village, the fat guys drink (or ) tonight
In the
village, the pillaged village, the fat guys drink tonight
and then they
Weeeeeeee---------eeee, drinking the night away
then they
Weeeeeeee---------eeee, drinking the night away
By the fire, the roaring
fire, the fat guys drink tonight
By the fire, the roaring fire, the fat guys
drink tonight
and then they Weeeeeeee---------eeee, drinking the night
away
then they Weeeeeeee---------eeee, drinking the night away
Hush my
Lady, don't fear my Lady, they've passed out for the night
Hush my Lady,
don't fear my Lady, they've passed out for the
night
Yes-er-eeeeeeeeeeeeee----------eeee, Passed out for the
night
Yes-er-eeeeeeeeeeeeee----------eeee, Passed out for the night
To the Top of the
page
On My Throne (Blackleaf II)
(Tune: "On My
Own" by Doobie bros)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands (1998)
I don't know
what is was that possed me
I fought and won a crown once again
It must
have been some kind of madness
For the next six months I'm on it again
Oh
On my throne
I've got no chance to get tight
On my
throne
I've got to be nice and polite
On my throne
Everybodys got me
in sight
All throughout the night.
I not sure what it was I
expected
As Viceroy it just wasn't this bad
If you've never had to sit at
peerage meetings
Count your blessings, cause I think I've been had
Oh
On my throne
I can find no place to run and hide
On my throne
From
those who want me on their side.
On my throne
I sit and rest my royal hide
and pray for regicide.
I must admit at wars it seems worth it
You
lead your kingdom out to the fight
But after all the battles are over
the
politics continue all night
Oh
On my thrown
Ones with no life
want all of my time
On my thrown
With a crown, it seems that I've lost
mine
On my thrown
I wish I could decree it a crime
With beheading as
the fine.
To
the Top of the page
Thowing My Shots In All The
Wrong Places
(Tune "Looking for love in all the wrong places")
By Gorlan
of the Red Lands
I've spent a lifetime practicing blows
Head shots,
Legs shots,
moulenees's,
And butt wraps to Foes
When I'm on the
pell, I'm hard to de-feat
I can deball a fly
As he buzzes by
But the
marshalls all think I'm a creep
*** Cause I've been
*** Thowing my
shots in all the wrong places
*** Into the knees and on the wrist braces
*** It isn't planned
*** Please understand
*** He shifted his feet
*** Yes I've been
*** Throwing my shots in all the wrong places
***
Just hit a cup
*** And you'll cause red faces
*** It was an
accident
*** He lifted his leg.
I Truly intend to use only clean
shots
helm slot
they block
and knock
my sword into their
gorgett
Soon I'll be barred from fighting, I guess
Cause when I hit a
cup
My Foes all throw up
And make the list field a mess
*** Cause
I've been
*** Thowing my shots in all the wrong places
*** Into the knees
and on the wrist braces
*** It isn't planned
*** Please understand
***
He shifted his feet
*** Yes I've been
*** Throwing my shots in all the
wrong places
*** Just hit a cup
*** And you'll cause red faces
***
It was an accident
*** He lifted his leg.
To the Top of the
page
Duke Elffin, Duchess Vanna
(To the tune of
: "The Mickey Mouse Club Song" 1997)
(By: Lord Gorlan takes full
responsibility for this song. There was never
anybody who gave him the Tune
and the Idea of filking a song about Elffin
and Vanna saying "Please, Please,
Don't tell him or he'll put on his armor
and catch me on the field and pound
me into the ground like a tent peg
through a grape. Nope that never
happened)
Who's the Earl that that was foolish enough to win the crown
again?
D-U-KE-E-LFF-I-N is he.
And who was it at feast of fools
shooting bread at ladies breasts?
D-U-KE-E-LFF-I-N- is he.
Duke
Elffin!
Duchess Vanna!
Duke Elffin!
Duchess Vanna!
Together
they've ruled twice in Drachen - Wald! - Wald! - Wald! - Wald!
Who is it
in Drachenwald who wears the Oak Leaf Crowns?
E-L-F-F-I-N-and-V-A-N-N-A
Who is the Lady treated for shock when she
heard that Elffin won?
D-U-C--H-E-SS--V-A-N-N-A
And who is the Lady
foolish enough to let him do it
again?
D-U-C--H-E-SS--V-A-N-N-A
Duchess Vanna!
Duke
Elffin!
Duchess Vanna!
Duke Elffin!
They didn't learn their lesson
the first - Time! - Time! - Time! - Time!.
With a IN-there, THE-There-,
WEST-there, They've had twice the
misery
E-L-FF-I-N-and-V-A-N-N-A
E-L-F
F - how the F should I
know
F-I-N
N - it's about bloody time this song ended
and V-A-N-N-A
To the Top of
the page
White Feathers/Blue Feathers
(By
Gorlan of he Red Lands 1997)
(To the Tune of "White boys/Black Boys " form
"Hair")
White Feathers are so prudish
Want Events to be kept
clean
They don't like their stories
Filthy or obscene.
White
feathers, they like Disney
And that whole family values thing
White
feathers still got for wenching,
But only with a ring.
So if you find
you're in agreement
Put a white feather in your cap
And you'll hear no
more tales of Village Idiots
Catching it in their Hats.
White
Feathers White Feathers.
Blue Feathers are so Pretty
Their garb show
impecable taste
But Blue Feathers don't go for women
Ladies sigh " What a
Waste!".
Blue Feathers can look manly
With buldging muscles and firm
behind
They wear the feather so that the ladies
Won't end up wasting
time.
They throw great parties at Pensic
And I hear that the good
times Roll
But be warned that to get inside
You'll have to pay their Toll.
Blue Feathers/ Blue Feathers
Blue Feathers / White Feathers / Blue
Feathers / White Feathers
To the Top of the
page
Autocrat, Autocrat
( To the Tune of
"Matchmaker" From Fiddler on the Roof)
By Gorlan of The Red Lands
1997
Scadian:
Autocrat, autocrat help me I'm lost
I can't find the
site
the directions seem crossed
I've been driving in circles and can't
find the signs
I'm starting to loose my mind
Scadian
Autocrat,
Autocrat now that I'm here
where is the troll
Where goes my gear
I
made no reservations, please find me a seat
Here is the list of the things I
can't eat
Scadian:
I know you said that pets were not welcome
But I
had no one to look after my Zoo
And now I can find no place to walk
them
IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO!!!!!
Scadian:
AutoCrat,
AutoCrat you know that I'm
A tollerant lord
understanding and kind
But
there's Fat Guys with beer and it's very unfair
They won't let me talk
politics there.
Autocrat:
Oh Feastocrat, I Found You
The people
need some food
Their chewing on the Tables
and in an ugly mood.
But it
will start soon
I hope soon
Right!
Right!
On! No! the Main Course
Just burned, Not an edible piece in sight
We'd better call out for Pizza or
Chichen Delight!
Autocrat:
Oh marshall I found you!
When can the
lists begin?
The Populous is bored
And the queen is guzzeling Gin
But
it will start soon
I Hope Soon
Right!
Right!
Oh! No! it's Started
raining, with no end in sight
As soon as it gets dryer, we'll start the
fight.
Scenaschal:
Did you think it would go easy, and
there would
be friends to make
With No parking
No Showers
No usable toilets
Be
gald You're not roasting on a stake!!!!
Autocrat:
Senaschal, Senaschal
I'm telling you I'm
At the end of my rope
and loosing my mind
Not that
it's over, a lesson I've learned
When your'e the AutoCrat you're going to get
burned
Its not longer my job
I've taken my turn
If you need help
Find somebody else
Don't ever let me volunteer again!!!
To the Top of the
page
6 Beer Court In Drachenwald
( Loosely To the
Tune of Beach boys "Little Honda" (1st gear)/ Surfin City)
By Gorlan of the
Red Lands 1998
I attended a 6 beer court in Drachenwald one night
(6
beer court in Drachenwald)
It seemed to go forever and looked like it had no
end in site
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
But I was sitting with the Fat
Guys and they knew just what to do
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
They
were well stocked with provisions and several cases of Brew
(6 beer court in
Drachenwald)
*** 1st beer goes down light
*** 2nd beer is just
right
*** 3rd beer you're feelin tight
*** at a long court
*** 4th beer
you can't see
*** 5th beer find a tree
*** 6th beer you just pee
***
at a long court
They started out with thanks to the autocrat for all
that was done
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
And thanks to the marshals
for a tourney that was well run
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
The water
bearers and chiurgens got called up too
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
And
before I knew it, my first beer was all through
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
***chorus
Some folks presented gifts to butter up the King and
queen
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
The groveling was awful, I sure you
know just what I mean
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
Then they presented
AOAs to create some Lord and Ladies too
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
And
again before I knew it my second beer was through
(6 beer court in
Drachenwald)
***chorus
They gave a silver guard to a man who could
swing a stick
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
And linquest ring went to a
gentil who's tounge was slick
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
And to some
artisans they presented a panache or two
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
and sure enough my third beer was also through
(6 beer court in
Drachenwald)
***chorus
Next came a grant of arms, to make a Right,
Honorable Lord
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
You could that the populous
was starting to get very Bored.
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
A black
guard fell asleep and almost got the king with his spear
(6 beer court in
Drachenwald)
when all got back to normal I finished off my 4th beer.
(6
beer court in Drachenwald)
*** chorus
They then called up a Lady
and awarded her the Dragon's Steel
(6 Beer court in Drachenwald)
Because
in swishy-pokey, she could bring all others to heel
(6 beer court in
Drachenwald)
They inducted a new member into the Order of Albinon
(6 Beer
court in Drachenwald)
And before I knew it, I found my 5th beer was
gone.
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
***chorus
Finally they
announced that they would create some new peers
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
I was starting to get worried, because the cooler was almost out of
beers
(6 beer count in Drachenwald)
They made a Knight, and Laurel and a
Pelican too.
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
And when they closed court,
I'd just finnished off my 6th brew.
(6 beer court in
Drachenwald)
***chorus
If you live in Drachenwald there's
something that you must do
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
When attending
court, be sure to stock plenty of brew
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
Because even if you are well lit at the time that court begins
(6 beer
court in Drachenwald)
If do not plan ahead, you'll be sober by the time it
ends
(6 beer court in Drachenwald)
To the Top of the
page
Martin the Mercenary
(To the Tune of "Puff
the Magic Dagon)
(By Gorlan of the Red Lands - 1998)
*** Martin the
Mercenary,
*** Was short, that is true
*** But if you watch him on the
field
*** You'ld swear that he flew
*** All of his opponents
*** Die
with a bewildered look
*** Now they know why peter pan
*** Was hated so
by Hook.
Martin came to Nordmark
to the double wars
When he fought
with sword and sheild
He slew them buy the score
Those that came to face
him
Would end up in the grave
In melees all would shake with fear
When
he swung his mighty glave
***chorus
Off the field, he is quite
gentile
And the ladies love him so
He feeds them sweets and other
treats
till they are all aglow
Always softly spoken
no one would he
defame
He lives life large and truly shows
Just how to play the
game.
***chorus
In tourneys when you face him,
He may seem any
easy kill
But when he leaps and wacks your helm
you'ld better make out a
will
Always fights with gusto
He'll kill you with a smile
The bodies
mount around his feet
All gathered in a pile
To the Top of the
page
Glorious, Glorious
(Based on an old
College Drinking Song, same name)
Adapted By Gorlan of the Red Lands,
1999
*** Glorious
*** Glorious
*** A whole keg of beer for the four
of us
*** Glory be, there aren't no more of us
*** The four of us can
drink it all alone
The first thing we pray for
We pray for our
King
Glorious, Glorious, Glorious King
If he has one Knight, may he also
have ten
Have a whole bloody army sing the Squires Amen
***
The
Second thing we pray for
We Pray for the Queen
Glorious, Glorious,
Glorious Queen
If she has one Laurel, may she also have ten
Have a whole
college of them sing the Apprentices Amen
***
The third thing we
pray for
We Pray for Drachenwald
Glorious, Glorious, Glorious
Drachenwald
If it has one Pelican, may it also have ten
Have a whole flock
of them sing the Protégés Amen
***
The last thing we pray for
We pray for our beer
Glorious, Glorious, Glorious Beer
If we have one
Keg, may we also have ten
Have a whole flipping brewery sing the Fat Guys
Amen
***
To the Top of the
page
Here I am In the Crown again
(Tune:
Turn the Page)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands, 1999
I arrive at the
tournament
My bodies feeling tense
I check in with the troll
And ask
when lists commence
I've been doing for so many years
It don't make sense
at all
*** But here I am
*** In the crown again
*** Here I am
*** Armed with shield and blade
*** Here I am
*** In the crown again
*** One more try
*** Turn the Page.
Sometimes the fighting's
clean
Other times its bad
What happened to integrity?
The lack just
makes me sad
The dream just keeps eroding
I try not to let it make me mad
***chorus
I can't control what others do
I only control
me
I'll keep it clean on my part
And let my conscious be
But I hope
for some peer pressure
From the Chivalry, this
time
***chorus
To the Top of the
page
Ride Cormack Ride
(Tune of Ride
captain Ride)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands, 1999
Cormack and his hoard
sailed up
To the Magna Carta War
Took over the island
And Raised his
flag upon the shore
The pirates let out rumors
Of a treasure chest
And challenged Lillies and Falcons
To find it on a quest
*** Ride
Cormack Ride upon your pirate ship
*** To Nordmark, at Double Wars, where the
fighting's thick
*** Ride Cormack ride upon your pirate ship
*** Your
black hoard, will terrorize, Veborg mighty quick
They made up a treasure
map
Broke it into three parts
Gave them to three fighters
Each with a
yellow mark
To gain the pieces
You had to find and kill them all
The
map led to the booty
Food, rum and all
***chorus
Their island
was left unattended
And then the Fat Guys came
And Martin the Mercenary
Flew over without a plane.
Then Micheal Lead the Lillies
And the
other Fat Guys found A piece of map.
They formed an alliance with other
holders of scraps
***chorus
But no one found the
treasure
Though one group had found the map
But it was written by
Pirates
No One could read that Crap
So the Pirates kept their
treasure
But they lost their flag
Captured by Michael of Aquitane
Who
Used it for a Rag
***chorus
To the Top of the
page
Oh, Oh, Oh I’m a Squire
Tune: I’m
on Fire.
By Gorlan of the Red Lands, 1999
Hey there Squire, go and
get me beer,
Unload my dragon, and then polish my gear
Its got rust
It
seems that’s all I hear
Cause Oh Oh Oh, I’m a Squire
Hey there squire,
put on your helm
I cant’ find a pell, so go armor up
And try to block this
shot, it’s new
It seems that’s all I hear
Cause Oh Oh Oh, I’m a
squire
Hey there Squire, come show us your trick
The other knights
don’t believe it
They all think it sounds sick , to do
It seems that’s
all I hear.
Cause Oh Oh Oh, I’m a squire
Hey there squire, I’ve way
had too much
Can you help me get home
I need you for a crutch, for right
now
It seems that’s I hear
Cause Oh Oh Oh I’m a Squire
Hey there
squire, you still need more time
But I’m too busy to train you
Some other
time, this year
It seems that’s all I hear
Cause Oh Oh Oh I’m a
squire.
To the
Top of the page
Stand by Your
Knight
(Tune: Stand by Your Man)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands,
1999
Sometimes it’s hard to be squire
When your Knight can be such a
Jerk
Just ignore his lack of life
Be glad you’re not his wife
And show
the known world you can still play the Game
Everyone makes a mistake
sometimes
And you must honor the vows you gave
No matter what he
does
You must follow him because
After all, he’s the one whom you gave
your vow.
*** Stand by your Knight
*** Forgive his lack of
graces
*** Because you know your Place is
*** To stay by his side
***
Stand by your Knight
*** And keep your honor intact and with you
*** It
is burden you must go through
*** Though a Knight, he’s still just a
man
Some squires have Knights that walk on water
While your Knight
could drown in a wading pool
Still you must listen to him
And do your best
to forgive him
It’s not his fault he was born a fool
Someday your
ordeal will be over
And you will have a white belt too
With your Knight’s
lack of tact
He’s shown you how NOT to act
Just do the opposite of what he
would do
It will make a better Knight of you
***chorus
To the Top of the
page
Head Shot
Tune: Bus Stop
By Gorlan
of the Red Lands
Head shot
Ears pop
Eyes Cross
My Foe
drops
At war in Estrella
Rib shot
Breath stops
My foe
Ker-plops
At war in Estrella
All this summer
I’ve been
training
In wind and rain or shine
This year when I fight at
Estrella
The field it will be mine.
All the other fighters think I
must be quite insane
I’m really, not, its just how I play the
game
Beserker fighting, in a shield wall
Thrills me like little
else
It’s Target rich
Where I can really slay and
maim.
Arrows
Pike men
Behind
Shield men
At War in
Estellla
Knights
And Squires
My Sword
Retires
At War in
Estella
All this summer
I’ve been training
In wind and rain or
shine
This year when I fight at Estrella
The field it will be
mine.
To the Top
of the page
Fat Guy Limerick Chorus
By Gorlan
of the Red Lands, 1999
(I usually use a Limerick Book and select at Random.
Continue until
somebody provides a Beer Then Sing the Last
Verse)
Chorus:
Oyez, Oyez
The Fat Guys drank all the beer
up
So here comes another verse
That’s worse than the other Verse
Give
us more beer and we’ll shut up.
Last Verse
Oyez, Oyez
The Fat Guys
Drank all our Beer up
There may another verse
That’s worse than the other
Verse
But Someone gave us more beer, so we’ll shut up.
To the Top of the
page
The Butter Goes on the Holey
Side
(Tune: Leaving on a Jet Plane)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands,
1999
Oh my Dragon’s packed
I’m ready to go
If the beast can move,
I’ll hit the road
There's beer and war and campfires waiting for
me.
It's been one whole year since the double war.
I really can not wait
anymore
It's time to show the Flatsiders they are wrong
*** So I’ll
Kill you just to prove my point
*** No need to get out of joint
*** But
you got to learn to butter the right side
*** The Butter goes on the Holey
Side
*** In your heart you know that I am right
*** Oh brother plug that
hole.
I can’t understand
Why you don’t see
The Flat Side is
mediocrity
The Holes have curves and bumps and variety
You must admit,
Holes are much more fun
Especially when the fighting’s done
If you don’t
wise up, I’ll make your helmet ring
***chorus
So one more time
Don’t make me kill you
Plugging holes is what will thrill you
Just go
ahead - Butter the holey side
We can overlook that fact
You’ve wasted
years buttering the flat
It’s time you came over to the Holey
Side
***chorus
To the Top of the
page
I Don’t Know How to Kill Him
Tune:
I don’t know how to love him, from JC Superstar)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands,
1999
I don’t know how to kill him
What to do, how to slay him
He’s
a man
He’s just a man
And I’ve killed so many men before
In very many
ways
He’s just one more
Don’t you think its rather funny
I should
be in this position
I’m the one
Who’s always been
So fast, and not
light
Everybody’s Knight
Blocking every blow
He scares me
so
Should I molene?
Should I charge and shout?
Should I swing low,
then high?
Try to fake him out?
He blocks every shot I’ve ever
learned
Womps me every bout
Yet when I try my combos
He just
blocks and then kills me
I always loose
Can’t help but loose
My Helmet
rings
My legs collapse
My shield cant stop his blows
He kills me
so
How I don’t know
He Kills me So
To the Top of the
page
Three Authenticity Mavens
Tune: You’re A
Liar or Three Old Whores
By Gorlan of the Red Lands, 1999
Three
Authenticity mavens from Drachenwald
Were sipping some home made wine
When one turns to the other two
And say yours are less period than
mine
*** So put away those pop cans
*** Put your drinks in a period
Glass
*** The Period Police are on Duty
*** They’re a Royal pain in the
*ss.
You’re a liar said the second Maven
I’m as period as can be
I hand stitch all the garb I wear
No sewing machines for
me
***chorus
You’re a Liar said the third Maven
I more period
than you
I raise my own sheep to get my wool
No store bought cloth will I
use
***chorus
You’re a Liar says the first Maven
I got you
beat hands down
I wear nothing but woad from head to toe
Even when I go to
Town
***chorus
Then the three mavens started fighting
But
that’s good news don’t you see
As long they fight with each other
They
won’t be bother you or me
***chorus
To the Top of the
page
The SCA Seneschal Blues
(Tune:
Heartbreak Hotel)
By Gorlan of the Red Lands, based on a one-liner from Lord
Aestan.
No one will come to the meetings
I’ve got to do all the
work
All officer reports are overdue
And I’m feeling like a
jerk
*** I got the seneschal blues
*** The SCA seneschal blues
***
I think I’ve paid more than my dues
*** With those seneschal blues
My
Marshall just got deployed
My herald has lost her voice
My chatelaine is
Skin Head
But he was our only choice
***chorus
I caught my
Exchequer Gambling
With the local group funds
He said it was a sure thing
And he’s getting 20 to 1
***chorus
We tried to host and event
Put it in the Dragon’s Tale
Then two days before the Autocrat
Was
busted and sent to Jail
***chorus
At night I get these phone
calls
>From members who have no life
I spend so much time putting fires
out
That I never see my wife
***chorus
I think that I’ve had
enough
This job is getting to me
I’ve been doing the job for two whole
months
I’ll give it to my Deputy
*** Then he’ll have those SCA
seneschal Blues
*** Those SCA seneschal Blues
*** Someone else will pay
the Dues
*** And get those SCA Seneschal Blues
To the Top of the
page
I’m Too Sexy For My Armor
Tune I’m too
sexy for my …
By Gorlan of the Red Lands, based upon a comment by Lord
Connor,1999
I’m too sexy for My Armor
Too sexy for Armor
I’m manly
down to the core
I’m too sexy for my sword
Too sexy for my sword
I’m an
excep-tio-nal Lord
I’m a Fighter,
If you know what I mean
And I do
my stuff in the Melee
In the melee
Where I main and slay
I kill every
one in the Melee
I’m too sexy for My Garb
Too sexy for my Garb
My
codpiece has barbs
I’m too Sexy for this Feast
Too Sexy for this
feast
Not plain in the least
Yes I am stud-ly
And Manly Man
You
can tell that I’m a Heavy Fighter
A Heavy Fighter
I drive Maidens insane
When I strut around in my armor
I’m too Sexy for this Court
Too
Sexy for this Court
They’re just not my Sort
I’m Too Sexy for this
Kingdom
Too sexy for this Kingdom
I’m sexier than-any-one.
Yes I
am Macho
Just dripping testosterone
Whenever I’m in my Armor
A heavy
fighter
Who fears no other foe
When I’m dressed in my Armor.
I
too Sexy for This song
Too sexy for this song
I’ve been singing too
long
I too Sexy for This song
Too sexy for this song
I’ve been singing
too long
To the Top of the
page
To the Fatguy
Homepage
To the
Fatguy picture page
To
the Fatguys Links page
To the Fatguys List
page
To the Fat
Regalia page
To the Fat
Rules page